Why do i keep saying yes?
Thoughts on people pleasing tendencies from a Nashville Therapist
There could be many reasons why you resort to people pleasing. You may identify as a people pleaser or maybe you have friends and family who move about the world this way.
People pleasing refers to anyone with a tendency put other people’s needs above their own even to their own detriment.
People pleasers may have high levels of agreeableness and neuroticism.
Research shows, people pleasers may be attempting to gain love and self worth by prioritizing other people. A common belief may be something like “if I don’t do what this person wants, they will leave me.”
People pleasers tend to avoid conflict at all costs.
So What?
Some researchers theorize people pleasing leads to psychological problems such as anxiety or emotional exhaustion.
It becomes increasingly difficult to articulate their own needs to the point they may have no idea what they need or want. This can leave them feeling unsure of their path your life is going down and feeling extremely unfulfilled.
People pleasing is linked to unsatisfying social connections, loneliness, and low self worth.
Treatment
Talk therapy is the most helpful method for overcoming people pleasing tendencies.
Medications can help with problems resulting from people pleasing like anxiety and depression.
The Role of Therapy
Therapy is really helpful space for experimenting with what it’s like to disagree with someone or say no. You can use therapy as a way to practice healthy conflict.
Therapy can help figure out why you people please. Maybe you grew up with inconsistent parents or perhaps you grew up around serious abuse. It’s possible people pleasing became a way to survive.
Learning skills to manage anxiety can greatly reduce your tendency to people please. For example, learn how to count to three before instantly saying yes to doing something you don’t want to do.
People pleasing tendencies are very common, so you are not alone. I am a licensed mental health therapist in Nashville, TN who specializes in anxiety and people pleasing. Check out my website to learn about services I provide.
Sources:
Cacioppo, J. T. , and Patrick W.. 2008. Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W.W. Norton & Company.
Joiner, T. E. 2005. Why People Die by Suicide. Harvard University Press.
Judge, T. A. , Erez A., Bono J. E., and Thoresen C. J.. 2003. “The Core Self‐Evaluations Scale: Development of a Measure.” Personnel Psychology 56, no. 2: 303–331. 10.1111/j.1744-6570.2003.tb00152.x.